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@scousebirdprobs
Liverpool
Scouse bird with a vodka dependency and an acute sense of social observation. Always self deprecating, always blunt. Follow me on twitter WARNING: Non-scousers may not understand language of this blog.
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Sunday 30 December 2012

Impossible (to tan)

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to tan
I did

And you are streaky, I am not
Your delusion, your mistake
You were careless, you forgot
To pat

And now get your exfoliation on
Make the shit stain tan go away
You’ll be fit
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all you know now
Shout it from the bed shops
Write it on your timeline
All your skin will go brown

Tell them that you’ll pat it
And that you’ll use gloves now
Your fella’ll do your back now
Tell them that you hope tannings not
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Tanning perfectly is hard
Having skin that’s pale is worst
Orange feet and orange palms
I know, I know ..
Thinking all you need is bleach
Gaggin hard on smell what’s worse?
Lemon juice to de-stink works
I know, I know ..

And now when 9hrs developings done
You can shower it all away
On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them that you’re tanned now
And you swerve the bed shops
Write it on your timeline
All your skin has gone brown

Tell them that you’re happy
And your skin is golden
For you no more mopin
Tell them that you know tannings not
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible!
Ooh impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to tan
I did